Until realizing what I can and cannot do, I spent time on things I had no power over. I cannot change people, events or who I was born to. I cannot change the times I was born into, or the things that happen to me after they happened. What’s important to remember, is I am the common denominator in my life. So, when fate follows me and the same kind of things happen to me repeatedly, it's safe to assume I am participating. This is both the good and the bad news.
Bad news; whatever I am doing now is not working. There will be no new result, unless I do something different. Trying to change them was not working. I had to find my part.
I can’t fix what isn’t acknowledged. For instance:
I did not start dealing with my problems until I almost hurt my daughter in a rage. Scared, by the thoughts in my head. It was as though the venom in my anger shocked me into seeing from the outside; to see and feel from inside her. It was some other kind of awake. It had its own flavor—something unfamiliar. I saw my anger naked, bare of excuses, and justifications; out from under defenses.
Another time I saw that as long as I thought my sarcasm made me cleaver I could not own how often it was mean. The sad part was how fast I was to defend these behaviors. They are but a sampling of what I saw when I could look without dropping into some kind of beat-myself-up-party.
I did not start dealing with my problems until I almost hurt my daughter in a rage. Scared, by the thoughts in my head. It was as though the venom in my anger shocked me into seeing from the outside; to see and feel from inside her. It was some other kind of awake. It had its own flavor—something unfamiliar. I saw my anger naked, bare of excuses, and justifications; out from under defenses.
Another time I saw that as long as I thought my sarcasm made me cleaver I could not own how often it was mean. The sad part was how fast I was to defend these behaviors. They are but a sampling of what I saw when I could look without dropping into some kind of beat-myself-up-party.
The good news; As long as I can figure out what my part is I can learn to do something different (if I want a different outcome).
When something is bothering me I find there are uncomfortable sensations in my body. They are so familiar they go unnoticed unless I am attentive. Paying attention to how my body responds in emotional moments has made me aware of how connected one is with the other Calming the body, calms the mind too. I find it essential to tune into my breathing, which can stop or become shallow when upset.
Learning to look at my part as though it is information rather than condemnation has opened up the possibility of new ways to respond.
When something is bothering me I find there are uncomfortable sensations in my body. They are so familiar they go unnoticed unless I am attentive. Paying attention to how my body responds in emotional moments has made me aware of how connected one is with the other Calming the body, calms the mind too. I find it essential to tune into my breathing, which can stop or become shallow when upset.
Learning to look at my part as though it is information rather than condemnation has opened up the possibility of new ways to respond.
No comments:
Post a Comment