They define the possibilities that show up in any given situation (in the moment). They are a, kind of, prerecorded set of feelings, and attitudes, followed by words that back them up. We each have them, though they can be quite different from one another’s.
Default positions can be found in likes and dislikes, expressions (physical, emotional, language). They are anyplace my reactions are. They filter the possibilities, they are the way I hear myself—inside, the habitual ways my world/life is interpreted. Are habits bad and wrong? It’s easy to default to that, and yet, it would miss the point. Habits, when not observed as habits, define choice.
Here are some examples of what has happened when operating from my defaults:
When told something I already know, I can feel self-righteous indignation come up, I internally contract, and have a thought like: What do you think, I’m stupid? I didn't get to vote on whether this response came up or not. It is an upset that looks for places to happen. Default responses are like throwing a dart with a blindfold on. Once in awhile they hit the target and more often than not they don’t.
When asked to do something my first thought is no, I consider this a default setting, as well as the answer “fine,” to how are you? I have friends whose first answer is yes which leaves them in a fix too.
Unfortunately default responses can be counter productive. Often they are defensive or offensive. They don't come from reflection and clarity they come from old experiences and habit. They have left me at odds with people I care about, when I didn’t know how to go inside and find out what I would have wanted to say from my heart. Striking back from a reaction is no longer anything I am interested in nurturing. I work at setting my boundaries while speaking from my heart, not from some habitual defense posture that damages others.
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