One Way to Avoid Self Sabotage

One of the more frequent ways I self sabotage is related to self judgment and the lack of a clear distinction between what I think I know, and what I’m skilled at… and how they relate to each other.

Here is an example: Suppose I am an airplane buff; I’ve read everything I could find about flying planes. I consider myself quite knowledgeable in this area. Imagine I had even been up in a plane, in the co-pilots seat a couple of times and watched another fly. I have even taken the wheel. I know the rules and all about the plane I want to fly. Would you want to go on a flight with me piloting the plane?

If you said yes; I hope your life insurance is paid up.

When it comes to dealing with people and situations that stir up my emotions. I frequently think I (should) know how to do something different. The thought alone can be enough to drop me into defeat and/or defense.

Knowing and doing, together, produce quite different results than either alone. Together I develop understanding (knowledge and experience).

Yet, time after time after time, I spoke from an unnoticed assumption; since I knew better, I should do better. In speaking/thinking from that position my focus slipped back to judgment of myself and/or the other. Judge and jury yammered in my mind about what was wrong with me and/or the other. They came uninvited; distracting me from self observation.

The more I watched this behavior the less I wanted it. It finally dawned on me that when I actually digested something, it became a part of me that was available when I needed it. Until that time it lived as a concept in the domain of my mind. It had not become part of my being. When what I know has not permeated my being, thinking I know already sabotages my effort to learn.

When a toddler is learning to walk, I don’t make him wrong for falling down. I assure him he needs to keep trying. If he walked yesterday and falls today, I don’t think he is bad. Learning to treat my own work from that same place keeps me from sabotaging my efforts. I invite you to try it.

Be kind to yourself it will help you understand others.