It was years before realizing the wealth of knowledge available from upsets. Upsets often formed my attitude. The more upsets, the worse the attitude. They were the bane of my happiness, until… discovering how ripe they were with information.
Know thyself is an old adage dating back to the Oracle of Delphi. Great idea, but how does one go about it? How does one examine without bias, without the duality of good and bad, right and wrong? My mind went there like a wheel finds a rut. Finding a way out of the rut seemed to take place in stages.
The first element came when, one day in an instant, my mood shifted from excited to deflated in seconds. It was startling. There was a dual experience of both having the experience and watching it at the same time. It happened like this.
I had written a letter to handle an out of state speeding ticket; and was feeling proud of myself. When my husband arrived home for lunch I showed it to him. He reached for the red pen in his pocket protector and began making corrections. Each red line dropped me lower.
Form the eyes of the witness within came a question I have carried with me from that day forward. What just happened to me? The question took me back to an incident I hadn’t thought of in over 30 years. It was an old and familiar reaction. The observation was intriguing. I had not noticed the automatic way one mood usurped another. It just happened and usually I thought the mood was me.
The question set me on a different course; one that revealed a different perspective. It was a fresh angle that brought old information into a new light, opening a path to self understanding and compassion rather than judgment. I was learning rather than reaffirming a perspective that had not served me in the past, nor did I think it could in my future. It was the beginning of what I have named my neutral observer within.
No comments:
Post a Comment