3 Ways to Learn More

NOVEMBER 27, 1949 It is not necessary to give up one's own point of view, nor to agree with other people just because one likes them. From my point of view, what makes the work of a group much more interesting than that of an individual, is that each person should find in himself his own sincere viewpoint, which is peculiarly his, and contribute it to the whole— in this way the whole becomes rich and balanced.           Rodney Collin Smith

Sounds good. Putting it into practice has been more difficult than imagined. It requires remembering to let in what the other say, to imagine their perspective, and add it while respecting my own. This is not my default position.

A common default way of listening is, do I agree or disagree, am I right or wrong. It is the all or nothing position of duality. Listening as a collaborative experience can be uncomfortable. Internally it brings a physical and emotional tension that cues my defenses--wanted or not. It costs the ability to learn about myself and others.

Taming the instant, aggressive/defensive reactions that charge my body and ready it for retort, is a work in progress. Holding back a reaction and doing something different takes an effort that needs to be developed. 


Here are some things I have found helpful.

1. Listen for information rather than agreement.

2. Recognize different positions reflect what is seen by the viewer. 


Imagine a ball that is red on one side and blue on the other. Two people are             standing on either side of the ball, one seeing only red, the other only blue. They are arguing over who is right. This represents a fundamental difficulty we have in effective communication.

3. Notice ego is often dominant when one is speaking from duality.