How many times I hear people upset about things they have either no power to change or ones they are unwilling to do the work to change. Think about how much energy is used in this strange diatribe that permeates so many of us. The only person I truly have power over in my life is me—and that feels sketchy at times.
When life is not meeting my expectations it is probably time to examine them rather than rant or drop into a funk. I have found my efforts to change life have proved fruitless and frustrating. This is not difficult to verify, and yet it escapes the attention it deserves. A blind spot in the psyche?
Equally counterproductive is self judgment. It is the cat of nine tails used to beat ourself up with. If it changed things I would be all for it. In my experience self judgment reeks havoc with making changes. Yep, that's what I said. Think about it. There you are going about your life and you find yourself in one of those, what was I thinking moments. And, the next thing you know you are busy berating yourself… then what?
For me, after that is labeling myself bad and/or wrong. At which point my clarity of thought, and call to action vanish. Things grind to a halt and the failing I have experienced moves into the pile used to affirm my inadequacies.
Here is a thought, review the problem and ask yourself how you might have done it different.
Third on today's list is giving unsolicited advice. My tendency to do this has required attention to making a change. Many of us like to tell others what they should do. How many of us think it is helpful when we are on the other end of it? Since this work is my passion it takes a kind of vigilance to hold back advice and ask if the other wants some feedback. I have found learning to do this has been a relationship saver.
While making the effort to do any of these is a big job. They each seem to bring serenity into my life and those who are around me. What have you let go of that has made a difference for you?
Your thought on self judgement makes a lot of sense, although I never really thought of it that way. Using a somewhat recent experience, I can say for sure that I beat myself up more than I allowed myself to determine and examine a 'call to action.' What good is that doing me? I am just adding on to a negative experience rather than growing from it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I can see how the unsolicited advice issue can come into play, especially in your work. But I can also see how we may all do this without even thinking about it. That makes me think about the relationship between advice and judgment. I wonder if'giving advice,' in some instances, may just be a clever excuse for verbalizing judgments.